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Back in the 1940s, Abraham Maslow confidently stacked human needs into a neat little pyramid: food, safety, love, esteem, self-actualisation. Very wholesome. Very pre-Wi-Fi.

Gen Beta, however, would like a revision.

Level 0: Physiological → Battery. You think humans need water? Try taking a 2% phone away from a 14-year-old. The body survives. The personality does not.

Level 1: Safety → Wireless. Forget shelter. True security is full bars and stable Wi-Fi. “No signal” is the modern wolf at the door.

Level 2: Love & Belonging → Social Networks. Family dinners are nice. But did they react to your story within seven minutes? Didn’t think so.

Level 3: Esteem → Followers. Once it was I think, therefore I am. Now it’s I posted, therefore I refresh.

Level 4: Self-Actualisation -> Logging Off. The highest form of enlightenment? Turning your phone off on purpose. Not because it died. Because you chose to.

Maslow built a pyramid. Gen Beta just wants a USB plug at the base of it.